Sunday, December 24, 2017

Check my narrative, please

Martin struggled to survive, as he had been for twelve days. Twelve miserable days he counted, since the shipwreck, since everyone on board died… Since the loss of his family. He plunged his hands into the cold sea, moving it back and forth in a feeble attempt to survive, his makeshift raft threatening to give way with the force of the violent waves. Tear-stained, he kept going, at last all his prayers seemed to have been answered.
"Land!" He yelled.
Near the horizon, a white mass floated gently despite the ravenous sea, just a short while away. Martin felt a fire of hope kindle in his soul for the very first time since the shipwreck, maybe now, he could actually set foot on sweet land once more. Re-fuelled with hope, he pushed on forwards against the sea, then, his blood came to a stand-still. He felt rubbery leather graze his skin, he swallowed a hard mass of spit and looked down into the dark, murky ocean; a set of beady black eyes stared back at him, a blue fin cut streams through the ocean and a fin followed. Martin stopped. His heart palpitating, his body deadlocked in position, that fire of hope had now been quenched. The creature jumped up, it skin glistening under the gold sunlight and dived at the raft splitting it into shards; Martin plunged into the cold water, he could feel it slowly seep in through his nose. Fill his lungs. Burn his eyes. They say your life flashes before your eyes, all Martin saw was that one moment that would never leave his memory.
Added (1). Continuation, as there was no space.
The moment when it all ended. When his life had ended. It was dark, a crescent moon hung in the sky shining meagre light over the cruize. Martin stood next to his wife, on the deck, eagre to inform her of his new promotion; that's when she told him
"It isn't working out, I'm sorry. I've already been seeing other people," she murmured.
He couldn't believe his ears, all he saw was red. It was an accident, there was streams of blood and the need to wipe out
Added (2). and the need to wipe out any evidence. With that, everything faded to darkness.
Added (3). Sorry, meant cruise instead of cruize

Read more: https://helpkindle.com/talk/fire/check-my-narrative-please.html