Here is my poem, I would like you to pay attention to the structure of the poem. Can it be organized in a more poetic way?
Submergence within this ambience,
Defines the molten sapphire silence,
As it flows through pinnacle moments,
Down until the ocean floor
The depthifying sea abyss,
Contradicts my fear of oblivion,
As I remember of the darkest, and ancient monsters
told in the tales of the ocean's folklore
Suddenly Moissanite glints echo to my conscience,
I turn to see twinkling fish, begging me to follow their guidance,
And though I am mystified, insecure and unsure,
A celestial temptation draws me to them, as if to take me to my ethereal amour
Deeper and duskier and denser is my descent
But I must follow the beautiful diamond trail
And though I contend to coldness and struggle against the voluminous pressure coming from all sides
My hair dances with the undulating violence and I feel genuine
But then the glints kindled into absence
My horror is excruciating as I realize the deceit in the onyx
As it bleeds into my conscience
My pinnacle memories tightens the bonds
And my sedimentary fear drags me to depression's core
I lay at rock bottom as a prisoner in this abyss
For many dull years, or maybe minutes
Never again reaching my pinnacle memories,
As my figment movements are taken over
But then, I swiftly wake to warm sparks
That are chasing away the prisonning darkness
And I whisper, the perforated syllables sinking in doubt, " Amour?"
The spark grows into a delicate, blinding, brilliance
The feathering warmth gashes through my chains, murdering the coldness
The savoring and refreshing glow ribbons and envelops me into a sweet cadence
And I realized the light of hope had summoned my saviour
Now, neither the sky is above, nor the Earth is below
My saviour whispers the glowing words enlightening my essence
" You are saved, and now only you are here"
"Yes," I say, "Only me, my breath, and my heartbeat"
"The monsters had saved me"
"I now know how to believe in my existence"
What do you believe to be the meaning of the poem?
Can you make any suggestions to improve the structure of the poem?
In the fourth stanza, and fourth line, should I break that into two lines?
In the fifth stanza and last line, should I change it to " And my sedimentary fear drags me to depression" instead of "And my sedimentary fear drags me to depression's core"?
Who do you think amour and the saviour are?
Do you like my poem?
Thank You!
Also, is there any punctuation that I need to fix?
См. статью: Can you give advice on my poem?